The Emotional Weight of Unwanted Hand-Me-Downs

A Vogue advice column explores the guilt and emotional complexity of receiving unwanted clothes from mothers, just before Mother's Day. The writer confesses to hoarding her mother's castoffs, from moth-eaten sweaters to painful leather boots, and seeks professional insight. Psychologist Carolyn Mair, author of 'The Psychology of Fashion,' explains that such gifts symbolize continuity and a tangible link between mother and child, making refusal feel loaded. Writer Plum Sykes recounts offering a Nina Ricci chiffon dress to her daughter Ursula, who rejected it as 'too Y2K,' revealing that mothers often use children as 'soft trashcans' for items they themselves no longer want. Nicolaia Rips coined this term. Mair notes that items take on symbolic weight through 'psychological essentialism,' where the mother's essence matters more than the garment itself. The column advises setting boundaries: accept heartfelt heirlooms but politely decline mere discards. Sykes shares a success story of passing on an Emilia Wickstead jacket that Ursula happily paired with a vintage slip, bringing her joy.