Music as a Mirror for Grief: A Personal Journey Through Mahler, Messiaen, and Rachmaninoff

Tom Jacobs, a journalist covering the arts, recounts how music helped him process the death of his partner of 38 years, Eugenie 'Genie' Lee Kahn, who died of breast cancer on February 15. He describes attending a performance of Olivier Messiaen's Turangalîla Symphony by the Los Angeles Philharmonic under Simone Young at Walt Disney Concert Hall on April 12, where the work's turbulent emotions mirrored his own grief. A pre-concert lecture by UCLA musicologist Kristi Brown-Montesano revealed that Messiaen wrote the piece while his first wife was in a nursing home with dementia, a parallel that resonated deeply. A week later, he heard the Colburn Orchestra conducted by Yehuda Gilad perform Rachmaninoff's Second Symphony, which evoked tears and a sense of connection. He ultimately found solace in the final movement of Mahler's 10th Symphony, a piece his partner had loved, which blended sadness and acceptance. Jacobs reflects on the healing power of music, noting that while words often fail, music can break through suffering.