Jonathan Grossmalerman's 2013 column calls for firings of critics and artists in satirical rant

In an October 2013 column for ArtReview, artist Jonathan Grossmalerman launches a satirical tirade against several art world figures. He begins by expressing outrage at Peter Schjeldahl's New Yorker article suggesting the Detroit Institute of Art sell its collection to fund pensions, calling for Schjeldahl's firing. Grossmalerman denies this relates to Schjeldahl's negative review of his New Museum retrospective or concerns about 28 late-1980s Grossmalerman paintings the museum holds. He also mentions not calling for Jerry Saltz's firing despite a 'crab cake altercation' at a MoMA opening that ruined his suit and Saltz allegedly impersonating him to attend Jay Z's Picasso Baby video shoot. The column further targets Paul McCarthy, suggesting Hauser & Wirth should fire him for overexposure and noting finding what might be a discarded McCarthy sculpture in a park. Grossmalerman concludes by mentioning his server Gary at Bostwick's Chowder House in East Hampton and stating there are 'quite a few people' he'd like fired. The piece blends personal grievances with broader art world commentary while maintaining a satirical tone throughout.