Esther Perel's 'Mating in Captivity' Re-Released: Eight Insights on Long-Term Desire
Esther Perel's seminal 2006 book 'Mating in Captivity' has been re-released this month, 20 years after its original publication. The book argues that maintaining desire in long-term relationships requires a deliberate balance between connection and separateness. Perel, a 67-year-old psychologist known for her podcast 'Where Should We Begin?' and two TED Talks with 40 million combined views, presents eight key truths. These include the distinction between 'romantics' and 'realists,' the illusion of security in relationships, the idea that good intimacy does not always equal good sex, the importance of cultivating a 'secret garden' of selfhood, the limits of verbal communication, the intermittent nature of intimacy, the benefits of a healthy sex life for children, and the need for sex to allow transgression beyond political correctness. The book remains relevant in 2026, according to a Vogue review.
Key facts
- Esther Perel's 'Mating in Captivity' originally published in 2006 and re-released this month.
- The book is a New York Times bestseller.
- Perel's podcast 'Where Should We Begin?' has hundreds of thousands of listeners.
- Her two TED Talks have 40 million combined views.
- The book's central argument is that desire requires a balance of connection and separateness.
- Perel distinguishes between 'romantics' and 'realists' in relationships.
- She argues that security in relationships is an illusion.
- Good intimacy does not always lead to good sex, according to Perel.
Entities
Artists
- Esther Perel
Institutions
- HarperCollins Publishers
- Vogue
- TED